A glass of water. A handful of dried tart cherries. Two dates stuffed with cardamom and ground nuts. A small piece of parmesan. A few more cherries …
Still not right. I needed something else to nibble on while the water for my tea heated. But what? I was raiding the shelves and the fridge for the second time when I realized what I was doing.
I’ve been reading a lot about Mindful Eating last month. I found triggers and habits that keep me snacking even when I’m not hungry. Or rather: some emotions maskerade as hunger, but eating will never be enough. Because you’re not actually hungry. Go figure.
What I was trying to eat in the kitchen just now wasn’t food. I am working on the showdown of POISON PATCH (sequel to HEDGE GAMES). Have been working on it for several days now. As most showdowns in Urban Fantasy, it’s a dance between several characters that runs across three chapters. A dance of magic, violence, trust, betrayal — with three main characters and twelve minor characters. An ebbing and swelling and ebbing and swelling of intensity. I keep thinking “now I’ve nailed it”, then read it again the next day and it’s not flowing. So I go in again.
I’ve read it first in Celia Bradfield’s book “Bestseller”. Can’t give you the verbatim quote now because the book is in storage back in Europe with the rest of our belongings. Celia says something like: You’d be a very productive (and slim) writer, if only you kept writing instead of giving in to the urges your inner saboteur throws at you. Every time you reach a critical point in your writing, he’ll make you thirsty for coffee, then hungry. And if everything else fails, he’ll make you sleepy.
The coffee’s always empty when the writing gets tough, isn’t it? “I’ll just get one more cup and then –“ ;-) Snap. Just like that, our focus on that scene is broken. Self-sabotage at its best.
Strange how the need to snack on “just the right thing” disappeared the second I decided to blog about this — instead of working on the showdown. *blush*
But now I am butt in chair and will only get up when it’s done or when I have to pick up my kids. We all know when the going gets really tough in writing: when you’re almost there.
What’s your experience with this?
Brida Anderson’s novel, Hedge Games, released in December. You can find her at www.brida-anderson.com, Facebook, and Twitter. She and her family currently live in the Middle East with the newest addition to their household, a fae-cat called Robin.